i've been spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about what i'd like to do with my life post-michigan, likely due to the fact that it's still fucking cold here, it's still fucking boring here, and my job still fucking sucks here. i'm ready to go.
in my limitless boredom, i peruse groupon daily, looking for something fun to do (paint & pour, anyone?). i came across a TESOL (teaching english as a second operative language) online course a few days ago, and i snapped it up without further thought.
now, we all know online courses are bullshit, right? yes, most of them are (barring MOOCs offered through legit schools and google analytics academy), so i may or may not have wasted $70. judging from the post-purchase research, it was likely a waste to some extent.
but what this opened me up to is the idea of moving abroad and teaching english.
i had heard about a few people i vaguely knew moving to korea or something right after college to teach, but never considered it further. i was trying to build a career, i was tied down in a relationship, i was tied down by student loans. i remember i almost started crying at work one day a couple of years ago chatting with a friend who had just moved to portugal; i felt like it was all i wanted to do, but that i absolutely couldn't. it was one of those soul-crushingly miserable feelings, when you truly believe nothing turned out the way you wanted it to and it never, ever will be what you want it to be.
i can't pinpoint what changed recently, but i think it's a culmination of things. my career is stupid. i'm not even doing something i like doing, and i know that corporate life is not what i want. and unfortunately, "working your way up" in a corporation just isn't happening as often these days, so i now know that the idea of leaving and putting my career on hold for a few years is no longer a deterrent for me. i dropped that negative association i so deeply held with putting my career on hold. i realized that what i'm seeking is meaningful work. i want to see the direct positive result of my work. i also haven't traveled in a long time, and i miss it. it's where my heart is. i get 10 vacation days a year. like, what? i've come to the conclusion that nothing gets me down like being stuck in a routine, experiencing the same exact things every day, or every year. like, cool, we have packzis in michigan for fat tuesday. I DON'T CARE. I'M BORED OF THEM. I'VE BEEN EATING THEM FOR 20 YEARS. THEY'RE JUST FUCKING DOUGHNUTS.
been wanting to get that one off my chest for years, apparently! and sorry to ruin the fantasy that packzis are anything but a regular doughnut, for those of you that still believed in its rarity and specialness.
so, anyway, i posted a facebook status asking if anyone had taught abroad and had any advice for me. i messaged a friend i knew was teaching english as a second language in england (lol, but seriouslyyy. they have a lot of non-native speakers). and the responses i received from the people i spoke to were beyond helpful. friends and acquaintances i hadn't spoken to in years were more than happy to talk to me about their experience teaching ESOL, certification needed (or not), programs/corporations one should work with... really everything i need to know! so now i'm in the process of applying for jobs, and moving quickly as schools are hiring right now for the fall semester. exciting times, indeed.
i've always known this to some extent, but i never fully embraced it until now. this is what i learned from this dumb groupon situation: follow your instincts. something sounds so incredibly amazing to you that you would feel lucky to do it? look into it. don't be afraid, and sure as hell don't feel guilty. i know i love to travel and i want to see the world. i don't want to settle down with some bland-ass guy, live in the suburbs and work a corporate job i hate. i don't even want a fucking boyfriend right now! i want excitement, and i want adventure. i want to be responsible about it, of course--i do have a future to consider--but there's a way to do it. all i have to do is stop being scared to take what i want from life, and do my research. i'm going to follow my instincts, draw some insight from them, and make a move accordingly. life's too short to feel trapped and to be scared to do what you want to do.
so from now on, i'm going to just do shit i want to do.
and you know what? i'm honestly so genuinely excited about what's in the works right now i can hardly stand it.